There is lots of encouragement on social media to stand out from the crowd, be unique, different, and authentic, while not conforming to societal expectations. Other advice is that we shouldn’t stand out too much. WTH? Who do we believe?

The truth is that it doesn’t matter. There will always be someone who has a different opinion or take on life and will judge us on how we fit into their interpretation of what life should look like. And while you and I carry on trying to fit into what everyone else wants, we lose a little more of ourselves. This usually results in us waking up in the morning and not recognising that reflection coming from the mirror. It’s a sure sign that we’ve absorbed everyone’s opinions and advice and the woven cloth of their judgement doesn’t fit us very well. 

I remember well, when this happened to me, and I faced a person I didn’t recognise. I felt like a dirty sponge left on a kitchen bench. Soggy, lifeless, and dirty. I knew it wasn’t how I wanted to feel or who I wanted to be. And I had been in this situation many times before – why hadn’t I learnt and stopped it from happening again? I knew that if anything was to change; it had to be me. It finally sunk in and I took to heart that I didn’t have to let others’ opinions of me become so important that I took what they said over what I knew to be true.

I am a creative person and always have been. I love using my hands to make stuff and express myself in different ways. It’s fun, it’s engaging, and it makes my heart sing. Previously in my life, being creative wasn’t considered a way to earn a living and certainly not important enough to build a life around.. It was a ‘hobby’, a ‘pastime’, and something to be humoured rather than encouraged. But in recent years, there has been a huge resurgence of ‘creativity’ to earn extra income, so I should be ‘fitting’ right in now, right? Alas…no…

Now ‌I’m ‘too much’ for people. I know too much and do too much. I am obviously not properly ‘skilled’ in any one area and surely can’t do justice to it all? And the best one – I’m not qualified! 

Where this once might have seen me justify by experience and explain where my learning has been done, I just look in the mirror and laugh at the constant contradictions in this sort of feedback. I see a mature woman at 61 years old who has natural grey hair and more than a few wrinkles, who has done lots of awesome stuff, met loads of interesting and challenging people, and learned a few things in her time that these opinionated few have yet to experience and comprehend. I’ve grown into my different self – I wear my night bright colours, the strange and extremely comfortable hippie pants, and I dance most days, and sometimes under the stars on a clear night when my body allows me to. 

I do what I want – because I can, because I decide to, and no longer feel the weight of judgement – I just let them be them and me be me. If anyone wants to learn what I ‌offer, they will find me. I have lots of tricks to share and lived wisdom to pass on…

It’s difficult to stand out and be unique and authentic when there are so many who want to cut you down. I’m not sure how we will ever convince the people who live in our communities that there is more benefit in acceptance, understanding and friendship than there is in separation and judgement.

Sue…